This is going to be a new feature on Brocofly.com. We’re going to call it “Analysis of a Lyric”. What we’re going to do is go through the lyrics of a song and discuss how incredible they are.  I’ll skip around since the song is rather long, but you’ll get the gist of it.

R. Kelly has been a mainstay in the pop kingdom for longer than I can remember. He used to sing really uplifting songs like “I Believe I Can Fly,” but recently, he moved onto more hilarious songs like “Trapped In The Closet,” which is one of the greatest songs/dvds ever created.

Well, now he is back with a real winner: “Pregnant” So click play and let’s go ahead with the analysis.

R. Kelly (featuring Tyrese, Robin Thicke and The Dream) – Pregnant

Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant

Wow.  That might be the greatest intro line and pick up line the world has ever known.  Hey baby, you make me wanna get you pregnant.  Does that shit work?  And does that mean he seriously wants to take a girl home and make an actual baby?  Clearly he hasn’t thought through the steep implications of getting a girl pregnant.

Knock you up, pregnant, knock you up

Maybe the best backing vocal line ever.  It really reinforces Kelly’s urge to get this woman pregnant by throwing in the slang term for those women from the streets.

Now usually I’m in the club with a girl who has a man,
And take her to the hotel for just a one night stand,
See I’m a playa so I ain’t tryna take her on no dates,

R Kelly.  You. Are. My. Idol.  I totally get that.  he just likes to have a party in the hotel lobby with married women whom he will then never speak to again. That’s totally my thing too.  Way easier on the pocket book and my emotions. Yes R Kelly, I can believe dat!

Until I met this girl in the club with an unbelievable booty,
Sweetest girl in the world and I mean it and on top of that shes a cutie

So years and years of being a “playa” and all it takes is a girl with a great booty to change your ways?  In all of those years fucking around, you never slept with a woman with a nice booty?  Who exactly have you been sleeping with?  You are a huge pop star.  Why are you only sleeping with ugly hoes?  Oh wait, I see, not only did this girl have a great ass, but she was cute! Unbelievable booty.  Check.  She’s a cutie. Check.  Let’s  get you pregnant.

Never felt nothing like this,
Shes more than a mistress enough to handle my business,
Now put that girl in my kitchen,

Now this is just lyrical genius.  Here is where we learn that this woman is more than just a cheap trick who can “handle his business” (ie let him film a sex tape of him pissing on her) but this girl is so great, she can be allowed to live in his kitchen.  Where I suppose he will treat her to a romantic homecooked meal that he prepared himself.  Either that or expect her to feed him dinner after she “handles his business.”  The latter is more probable.  I’m beginning to think he has mistaken the term “get you pregnant” with “be my chef.”

All the pretty ladies please line up right next to me,
How would you like to go on a little trip with your boy Tyrese,

Hi Tyrese!  Great seeing you here!  I’m gonna get in line now because clearly there is a waiting list and I really really wanna go on that trip with you.

We can pop champagne and get right down to sexing,

Well, seeing as I love champagne and hate wasting time…

Now I ain’t got nothing to do tonight I got away from my crew,
I just wanna put some in you,
And I can tell that you want it too,

Well, obviously I want to get right down to sexing with you too.  That’s why i’m in line, right?  Shit.  This isn’t the line for my dignity is it?  Oh, good.  I was scared for a second there.

Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant

You’ve explained that to us a few times now Mr. Kelly, but through that entire song, the only explanation you’ve given is that you think i have a nice booty and that i’m a cutie.  Otherwise you just keep talking about having sex.  I need a man who thinks about the future.  How about singing “girl you make me wanna get you pregnant because i’m financially responsible and want to raise a child in the best way possible in a house full of love and caring and I want your momma to be proud of you when you graduate from college and get married and  get pregnant yourself because life is just so beautiful.”  How about THAT song R Kelly.  Then i’ll consider it.  After I get out of Tyrese’s line.

this song is way too long to go through entirely, but I do need to feature one last line, which comes in the final verse, from The Dream.

You makes me wanna a baby put them pills on chill
And girl give me my baby you can play all you want

That’s right baby. Quit being safe and taking those birth control pills. That shit is whack. Just quit it already and GIVE ME MY BABY. Give it to me! Don’t worry, I’ll let you play with it.

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Just to give credit where credit is due, Kevin and Bean and Ralph and Lisa and everyone on KROQ’s morning show were making fun of this song this morning. I just had to bring it to my readers attention after hearing it on my way to work.